The Secret: Episode 2.13

213secret-bigger“The Secret”
Season 2 Episode 13
Air Date: January 19, 2006
Writers: Lee Eisenberg & Gene Stupnitsky
Michael spills the beans about Jim’s crush on Pam, which invites unwanted attention from the other employees and forces Jim to tell Pam about it directly. Meanwhile, Dwight investigates after Oscar calls in sick.

1. Supplemental Materials
Pam Pong Scorecard, transcript at

2. Quick Recap
Cold Open – What’s Updog?: Jim tells Michael a joke and Michael thinks it’s great and immediately tries to tell everyone in the office. He keeps having a little trouble with the delivery, though.
“World’s Worst Confidant”: Though he knows it’s futile, Jim reiterates to Michael that his crush on Pam is a secret. While Michael’s touched that Jim told him something no one else knows, Michael is constantly making not-so-subtle remarks about Jim’s crush in front of everyone, prompting Jim to go to Hooter’s with Michael in hopes of distracting him.
Oscar’s malfeasance:
Oscar is out sick, but since it’s Friday and “spring cleaning” day, Dwight suspects Oscar is playing hooky. He launches an investigation around the office and also calls Oscar in hopes of catching any inconsistencies in Oscar’s story. Dwight then stakes out Oscar’s house, and confronts Oscar when he returns with a car full of shopping bags. Proud of himself for being right about Oscar skipping work, Dwight doesn’t seem to notice that Oscar’s roommate, Gil, is definitely more than a roommate.
Cat’s Out of the Bag: Despite Jim’s best efforts, Michael reveals Jim’s crush and soon the whole office is buzzing about it. Jim decides to tells Pam before she hears it from someone else, saying his crush was when they first met and he’s over it now. Michael is worried Jim won’t want to be his friend anymore but Jim reassures him it’s not a big deal. Michael then slips one last time by telling Pam that Jim still likes her, and Pam seems confused but also curious about Jim’s true feelings.

2A. Flonkerton Medal Ceremony
The “Your secret’s safe, for now” Medal: This is the episode which Oscar is first revealed to be gay, but thanks to Dwight’s not-so-amazing detective work, only we the audience know.

Previous Episode: 212 The Injury | Next Episode: 214 The Carpet

3. Flonkerton’s Favorite Quotes
Jim: Not much what’s up with you?
Pam: Oh, I can not believe I fell for that. [laughing] Oh, my God.
Michael: Ah, ah, ah, what? What? Where’s the funny? Give it to me.
Jim: Umm, is it me or does it smell like up-dog in here?
Michael: What’s up-dog?
Jim: Nothin’ much what’s up with you?
Michael: Oh, oh, wow! I walked right into that. Oh, that’s brilliant!

Michael: [walks by Jim] Man, this must be torture for you.
Jim TH: Yeah. On the booze cruise I told Michael about some feelings I used to have for Pam. I had just broken up with Katy and had a couple drinks. And I confided in the world’s worst confidant.

Michael TH: Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton, mostly at work. But, the fact that he told me his secret and no one else knows says everything about our friendship. And it is why, I intend on keeping that secret for as long as I possibly can.

Dwight TH: There are several different ways to tell if a perp is lying. The liar will avoid direct eye contact. The liar will cover part of his or her face with his hands, especially the mouth. The liar will perspire. Unfortunately I spoke to Oscar on the phone so none of this is useful.

Dwight: So, how did Oscar sound when he called in?
Pam: Sick, like lots of sniffling. I don’t know.
Dwight: Sniffling how?
Pam: Umm. How many different ways are there to sniffle?
Dwight: Three.
Pam: Ok, it was the second one.
Dwight: Ok, good, thank you. That wasn’t so hard now was it?
Pam: Nuh-uh.

Michael: What do you like best about Pam?
Jim: Uh, I really don’t want to talk about it.
Michael: Is it her boobs, or…
Jim: Um, she’s easy to talk to I guess and she’s got a really good sense of humor.
Michael: Really?
Jim: Uh-huh.
Michael: Never get’s any of my jokes.
Jim: What about you?
Michael: Her boobs, definitely.
Jim: Wow, that’s not what I meant.

Pam: What did you guys talk about?
Jim: [Holds up Hooters t-shirt] Just you know politics, literature.
Pam: I hate you.

Dwight: Quick Oscar update. I have conducted interviews with everyone in the office.
Michael: Just go to his house and see if he’s sick. I could have done this Investigation in like twenty minutes.
Dwight: Including prep time?

Michael TH: Uhhh it’s ridiculous. They took my card away because I spent $80 bucks at a magic shop. What they don’t understand is that I bought the stuff to impress potential clients. So business related, right?
Michael: I put a cigarette through a freakin’ quarter. And you know what Toby? They almost bought from us.

Dwight: [to Oscar and his partner Gil] Oh, man! You are so busted! Ice skates, shopping bags? I think I know what’s going on here. . . You weren’t sick at all!

Dwight TH: Guess what I found out about Oscar tonight? He was lying about being sick. Should I have reported Oscar’s malfeasance. Hmm, probably, but now I know something he doesn’t want me to know. So I can use his malfeasance to establish leverage. Otherwise, it’s just malfeasance for malfeasanceses-ses sake.

Michael TH: People are always coming to me. “Michael, I have a secret. Your the only one I trust.” No thanks, because keeping a secret can only lead to trouble. Like I was watching Cinemax last weekend. This movie, Portrait of a… Prostitute something. Secrets of a Call… More Secrets of a Call Girl. And the lead character, Shila, is framed for murder. She goes on the run and winds up working at a bordello in Malibu. I don’t, I don’t want to live like that. I like it here. I don’t want to be Shila, I like being Michael Scott.

4. Trivia

  • There is no Hooters in Scranton. The closest one at the time this episode aired was 50 miles away in Binghampton, NY, but has since closed.
  • Jenna Fischer, whose known for being very emotionally invested in her character, cried after the scene where Jim told Pam he no longer had a crush on her.
  • Michael Misquote: Michael attributes The Go-Go’s hit “Our Lips are Sealed” to The Bangles.

5. Grade This Episode


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