Office Resolutions

I wrote this for my blog right before “Back From Vacation,” but thought it would work better here. Also, since we’re nearly three months into 2007, let’s see if any of the characters took my advice.

Both MSNBC and AOL (#12) have posted article about TV resolution, so I wonder what resolutions the characters from my favorite TV show, The Office, should make. I know a lot of the characters would be too prideful to actually make these resolutions, they just should.

Michael: “I will work on being more sensitive and less ignorant.”
Michael kicked off the 3rd season outing a gay co-worker and trying in a humiliating way to show he was supportive of gays. Since then he’s managed to bestow his special brand of insensitive sensitivity on women, Indians, African-Americans, Asians, overweight people, and his (ex)girlfriend Carol. If anyone needs a crash course in sensitivity towards, well, everyone, it’s Michael.

Dwight: “I will cut down my Sci-Fi channel/24 watching.”
Who else but Dwight would believe he could receive messages from his future-self, or that Jim could move a coat rack with his mind? His inability to separate reality from fantasy makes him all too easy of a target for Jim and Pam’s pranks. If he wants to stop being their victim, he might have cut down on the Battlestar Galactica and Lost watching.

Jim: “I will start to date outside of the office.”
2006 was disastrous year for Jim’s love-life. It started with Pam setting a wedding date and him coldly dumping his sorta-girlfriend Katy (who he met in the office). He finally proclaimed his love for Pam, only to be rejected. After being transferred back to Scranton, he promptly starts seeing co-worker Karen, and now spends every day sitting between her and Pam, naively thinking he’ll somehow prevent one from finding out about the other. While it makes for great television, Jim seriously needs a date with someone who has absolutely nothing to do with Dunder-Mifflin. That way, if it goes south he won’t have to face the awkwardness at work.

Pam: “I will fight for what I want.”
I don’t think Pam was dumb in 2006, as the MSNBC article suggested, but she was terribly fearful. Fear made her give up on the graphic design internship, made her choose Roy over Jim, made her not contact Jim after she called off her engagement. She also has a terrible fear of inconveniencing others with her feelings, but in 2007 she will have to step up and fight for what she wants (and deserves).

Jim & Pam: ‘I will stop assuming I know what the other one is thinking.”
Jim and Pam’s reunion after the branch merger was a series of misinterpretations; Jim thinks Pam just wants to be friends, Pam thinks Jim has moved on with Karen, neither assumption is even close to correct. If Jim got past his pride and Pam got past her fear they might actually find out what the other one is feeling.

Ryan: “I will dump Kelly once and for all.”
Ryan stupidly hooked up with the obsessive Kelly the day before Valentine’s Day. He’s done everything he can to end the relationship; except actually say he wants to break up with her. I don’t know if Ryan has a mutant fear of being the “bad guy” in a relationship, but he really needs to end it for Kelly’s sake and for his sanity.

Kelly: “I will cancel my US Weekly subscription.”
Similar to Dwight, Kelly is obsessed with all things celebrity. When asked what’s going on in her life, she’ll talk about the lastest celebrity baby or sports star scandal. She likens her relationship with Ryan to Romeo and Juliet – the Claire Danes version. Oh, and she says “like”, like a lot. Kelly, put down the “People,” turn off E! and I think we’ll be halfway there.

Angela: “I will work on removing the stick up my rear.”
Angela’s always been bitchy, but also tolerable. However, she went into Mach-Bitch mode in “A Benihana Christmas” when she shot down Karen’s ideas, called them terrible, and kicked her off the party planning commitee. She got a taste of her own medicine when Pam and Karen threw their own party, but she has a long way to go before anyone will think to call her “nice.”

Andy: “I will realize no one really cares that I went to Cornell.”
Andy’s has plenty of problems, but most annoying is how he manages to mention he went to Cornell in nearly every episode. It’s to the point where I kind of wonder if he actually went there, or if he just lived in Ithaca and wandered onto campus once in a while.

Karen: “?”
There really hasn’t been enough revealed about Karen for me to give her a New Years resolutions. Though, I think I know what her resolution should be for ’08, “I will not move for a guy that I don’t know that well.”

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